To Jane, To Kevin Ryan
by Katrina Castillo
Summary: This started with it being about his stolen gun. But as soon as he saw Ben Lee, he remembered a 19-year-old Fenton O'Connell... It wasn't just about the murder anymore; it was about making sure the kid got out of the mob. It was about honoring a memory. (AU Kevin Ryan's past - Kick the Ballistics, The Wild Rover)


**__****Summary -** _This started with it being about his stolen gun. But as soon as he saw Ben Lee, he remembered a 19-year-old Fenton O'Connell... It wasn't just about the murder anymore; it was about making sure the kid got out of the mob. It was about honoring a memory. (AU Kevin Ryan past - Kick the Ballistics, The Wild Rover)._

**Hello people! I'm back with another story for ya! I _should_ be working on the next KOTC story, but after watching _Kick the Ballistics_ (4x04) the other day, I couldn't resist. __****Kick the Ballistics**** gave me so many Kevin Ryan feels! And Esposito dressed as the Fresh Prince? That was simply the icing on the cake.** I'm developing a sort of obsession with Kevin Ryan... and Fenton O'Connell...

**Why aren't there more Fenton O'Connell stories out there, by the way?! To be honest, anything where Ryan is involved with the mob in some way makes me giddy.**

**Anyway, enough of my ranting, let's get to the story. That's why you're here, right?**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_"You can still get out."_

Those were the words he told Ben Lee only a couple of days ago. He made the kid a promise - that he could escape his criminal family and leave the gang life behind. Kevin Ryan knew that getting out alive was deemed impossible, and knew that it was so much easier said that done. He also knew it was another matter entirely when it came to the son of the Boss, an heir to the 'family business.'

Ben may not have trusted Ryan's capabilities at first. The kid probably believed that he'd be found in a day, then killed for his betrayal. What Ben didn't realize was that Ryan had experience with this sort of thing... He knew how to drop off the mob's radar, how to walk away from his father and the family...

He knew all these things, because he had gone through it himself as a teen, with the help of a Los Angeles cop.

* * *

_"You ruined my life!"_

Ben had yelled those words yesterday. He seemed so angry, so distraught... For a second, Ryan thought he might actually shoot Phillip. But, as according to plan, the S.W.A.T. officer shot Ben, right where the bulletproof patch was. As far as Phillip knew, Ben had been shot in the heart.

Phillip's pained cries for his brother caught Ryan off guard. His focus this whole time had been on Ben, and ensuring the boy got out safely, like he promised. He never once thought about how the Lee's would grieve...

Until now, he never wondered if his own family grieved.

* * *

"Thank you," Ben said. "I wouldn't have had the courage to do what I did without you."

Ryan smiled a bit. "Well, you have your life back now." He looked at Ben pointedly. "Live it on your own terms.. It's what she would have wanted." Handing Ben a picture of Jane, he was once again reminded of his nineteen-year-old self. He understood the freedom Ben felt, along with the hint of fear that would diminish but never quite leave. As Ben walked away, Ryan felt a weight he didn't know was there left off of his shoulders.

Walking away from a crime family was never easy; Ryan knew that better than most. But, sometimes, someone could come along and make you want more. They make you realize and believe that you _can_ be more. And they helped you to walk up; to open your eyes, pluck up your courage, and make a stand.

That's what Jane had been to Ben.

That's what the late LAPD Officer Kevin Ryan had been to Fenton O'Connell.

"To honesty and commitment... To love and sacrifice," Ryan toasted. "To Jane."

"To Jane," Beckett, Castle, and Esposito echoed.

_'And to you, Kevin,'_ Fenton thought. _'And to you.'_

* * *

**Ever since _The Wild Rover _(5x18), I've come to love the idea of Ryan connected to the mob. He played an Irish mobster a bit well, didn't he? So, here, instead of making Fenton O'Connell his undercover name, I changed it to his birth name as a mob child.**

******So, this was a bit short, I know, but I think I got the story across. **I may make it a two-shot, or a three-shot (is that even a thing?). Reviews are welcome and appreciated! Love it? Hate it? Want more of it? Can't stand it? Tell me!

**Thanks for reading!**

**Katrina**


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